Swallowing Darkness
by FiodoriaCorilia
Summary: What would happen if romanced warden and Alistair were together when the false calling started during inquisition?


Swallowing Darkness was inspired by the song If I Was, by VNV Nation.

A soft whimper from his sleeping companion jerks him awake, the blonde haired man's eyes wide, reaching for the sword that rested beside their bed. As those wide green eyes peered up at him, he knew something was wrong. It had been 10 years… ten years since she sank a claymore's blade deep into the skull of the archdemon and ended the blight. Yet, tonight, she looked haunted as she sat up in bed, and looked away from him. "Satiriel… what is it…?" His voice was soft… timid even as he spoke, reaching a gentle hand out to softly run over her bare shoulder blade. It still bore a scar from that fight… the archdemon's claw had sunk into her shoulder, leaving it damaged for a time. When she turned to him, her eyes were watering, and his heart stopped. Somehow, he knew… he knew what she was about to say.

"It's my time… It's so soon… but they did say give or take… I guess they took from my thirty…" She mumbled, slowly standing from the bed, wrapping the bear fur blanket around herself like a strapless dress, and moved towards the fire. "I hope they gave to yours, my love."

Alistair sat, dumbfounded for a long while, before he leapt from the bed, and moved towards her, wrapping his arms around her middle gently. "It's only been ten years… I… I won't let you go to the Deep Roads. There's no way this is right… We'll go to Weisshaupt. We'll figure out what's going on. But you are not giving in to the calling. Not yet!" He clung to her, perhaps too tightly.

The elf quietly turned in his arms, her expression so hauntingly gentle as she raised a hand up to touch his face. "Alistair, you must accept it… It's my time… Perhaps Morrigan's ritual only slowed down the essence, instead of sucking it into the child… I don't know… All I know is that I am having the nightmares again… so much more intensely than before. I.. I thought I could hide it from you, but you're sleeping so lightly these days, it's hard to."

He paused at that, his jaw going slack as he eyes her. "How long…? How long have you been having them?" His fingers sink into her upper arms as he fights his anger, and hopelessness.

"Almost a week and a half now. Why are you looking at me like that…?" She whispers, her brows knitting together. She turned her head to the side, and bit the inside of her cheek as her soft red hair fell into her face. "You look so betrayed… I didn't… think it was the calling until tonight… I thought… I thought I was just remembering… Then I started feeling weaker than usual… tired… my muscles ached... but we'd been on the road so long I thought it was normal… and then I coughed up black blood… like the darkspawn used to spew. That was when I knew."

"No…" The warden's eyes welled up with those tears he feared he would let loose ten years ago. "I… I won't let you die. Please… please just… come to Weisshaupt with me. We'll figure out a way to stop this!" His heart sank as she turned towards him again, those sad green eyes almost angry.

"There is no cure for the taint, Alistair. Do you really want to watch me… turn into those… things? I don't know what the taint will do to me… but if I even have the potential to turn into… whatever that dwarf woman turned into, I'd rather die fighting. I don't know how much of their taint can… turn you into that, but I'd rather not take the chance…" She sighs, her shoulders slumping as she turns back towards the fire once more, wincing a little as his fingers had left small welts on her flesh. "I don't know what's going to happen to me… I just… know that it's time to go to the Deep Roads. I'm afraid, Alistair… so much more afraid than you can possibly imagine." She sighed heavily, her shoulders slumping as she stared into the slowly dying flames. "Is it… selfish of me, to be glad I chose Anora to rule? I wasn't… thinking about the good of Ferelden… I wasn't thinking about what anyone but me wanted. I… I wanted to keep you, for myself." She shakes her head, pulling slowly away from him to lean against one of the bedposts. "It was selfish of me… Fereldan could use a good, handsome, strong King right now… Especially with Divine Justinia killed. I heard tell that they are forming the Inquisition… You should go, Alistair… aid them, just as we always have."

"I am not leaving you here to die alone. If you are so intent on going to the Deep Roads, then I am going with you. I promised you we would be together forever… I meant it. Every Maker blasted word. If you are to die, I would die with you, for my soul would be torn forever in two without you." Alistair's arms wrapped around her middle again, hugging her tightly against his bare chest. She was so warm to the touch. He heaved a soft sigh as she turned, and pressed her face against his chest, one of his hands coming up to gently run through her hair. He never understood how she could keep her hair so soft. He sighed, and pressed his lips to the crown of her head, before he slowly pulled her back towards the bed. It was still late, and he knew she needed her rest. "Rest for now, my love. We will decide what to do in the morning." And sleep she did… as soon as her head hit the pillow she was snoring softly once more. Alistair however could not sleep… nor did he have any wish to. Instead, he watched her sleep, that ruby hair as it splayed across the pillow, that cute nose twitching every now and then, the soft exhalations of breath as she snored. He even found the occasional soft snort to be endearing. He spent hours memorizing her features… just in case. He raised a soft hand to trace the line of her jaw, but as he did so, he finally succumbed to the hopelessness and anguish he felt. He knew, deep down, that it was a hopeless situation, and that she was going to d-. He wouldn't let himself finish that thought. But no more could he let himself finish it, than could he fool himself into believing everything would be okay. There was only a rumor that there was a warden who had completely removed the taint from themselves… and he didn't know if she had time to run around chasing rumors. He would pose the question to her in the morning. As he pondered, he slowly drifted into a blissfully dreamless sleep.

He woke to an empty bed, and heaved a heavy sigh. He rolled over to face the wall, and his lips twitched upwards into a smirk at what he spied on the bed table beside him. There sat precariously on his pile of books, was a plate of fruit, a wheel of his favorite cheese, and a pitcher of honeyed milk. "Maker's breath I am a lucky man…" He frowned deeper at the sound of swords clashing outside their small hut, and flung himself upwards out of the bed. His hand wrapped around his father's sword, and fumbled himself into his brother's greaves, scooping up his shield before dashing out into the sunlight. Only to be halted by sudden giggling.

"That is… one way to greet an old friend, husband of mine." The elf smirked, and crossed her arms over her chest, one of those teasing red eyebrows lifting upwards. Across from her stood another elf, taller, leaner, and clad in a leather harness that showed off his abs. The Antivan elf just grinned.

"That is quite a fine greeting, though I must admit curiosity to why you did not finish dressing completely. Your codpiece is dangling a little low." He laughs, and shrugs his shoulders quietly, leaning against a tree.

"How did you even find us, Zevran? Ten years is a long time to magically find someone in the middle of the forest." Alistair's frown deepens as he watched the male elf frown as well.

"A job brings me to your doorstep once more, my friends." The other elf frowned slightly, taking in the expressions of his friends. "ah, you know me so well. Fortunately, I am not here to kill you. I already know how that would turn out. My job is much more gruesome and messy than just murder. Rape, impregnation. Murder. You know, the highlights of my job." Zevran was clearly joking but still something he said caused Satiriel to whimper, and rush off into the woods. The two men stared at eachother for a time before Zevran spoke once more "was it something I said?"

Alistair sighed, and moved closer to the Antivan, his head shaking. "You have come at an awkward time, the taint prevents her from carrying to term… whether it be mine or her own, we are uncertain, but… we only recently discovered this in our research. We have lost 3 so far… the most recent being only a few weeks ago. It still pains her, I think. I know it does me. There are… other matters that pose a more pressing problem, however."

"I already know about the calling, if that is what you are referring to. She told me herself." The elf just gives the man a soft sigh, and walks over to settle on a felled tree trunk, patting the bark next to him in an inviting manner. "Come! We must discuss how to improve your performance in bed to prevent this from being a further issue." The elf was once more joking, of course, but the frown on his face showed he was genuinely worried. "How are you taking it, truly? For all my jokes, I am… quite concerned. She is so pale… and just after a miscarriage? She cannot be holding up well. "

Alistair sighed heavily, moving to slump down onto the tree trunk next to their friend, leaning his forearms on his knees. "I didn't even know until this morning… and now I feel like my world is threatening to cave in around me. I did not react well. I can't… imagine my life without her, you know? She's so… special to me. So beautiful, and vibrant, and alive. And… the thought of a world without her in it is… killing me, slowly. The most agonizing, slow death. I had to face this thought ten years ago when she refused to let me go with her… I thought that Morrigan had lied. I thought so many things, and feared the worst. The tears choked me as I spurred my horse as fast as I could to try to get to the fort, and as I raced up those stairs, my soul felt as though it was being torn asunder, slow… ever so slow. And to find her alive, just tired, and unconscious, I… cried. Tears of joy, and relief. And now I may have reason yet again to shed those tears I fought so hard 10 years ago. I can't let her go, Zevran. It would kill me. She fights me at every turn, however. She doesn't want me to watch her wither away as the song eats away at her soul, and soon her body, and yet. I fear if I don't, that she'll slip away, and she will never know how much I truly love her. I don't want to have to say goodbye, but if I do, I want to hold her hand as she fades. Does that… make sense?"

Zevran's lips twitch a little before he offers the other man a smile. "Indeed it does, my friend. I assume you have been having nightmares of a different kind?" His head dipped down, and his face contorted into a grimace of sympathy.

The former prince just nodded his head quietly. "We drank darkness, and now it comes to swallow us whole. How do we deal with that?"


End file.
